Last week on the HRIC Blog, we looked at the best way to communicate with those who struggle with mental illnesses. From reflective listening to compassionate expressing, we looked at best practices and practicing empathy.
This week, we’re going to take a look at counterproductive communication: what NOT to say to someone who has a mental illness.
1. “YOU DON’T HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS, YOU’RE DOING IT FOR ATTENTION.”
It is very difficult to tell others or share that you suffer from a mental illness with friends, family, or the public. The potential risk of being judged, brushed aside, not taken seriously, or not believed hinders the chances of a person sharing this information and thus potentially deters them from seeking professional help. This is why it is crucial to be supportive, respectful, and trusting when a person tells you they have a mental illness. Mental illnesses are not fake or attention-seeking tools, they are real issues and people suffer greatly because of them.
2. “YOU’RE MENTALLY FRAGILE” or “YOU’RE WEAK.”
Mental illnesses do not make individuals weak nor does weakness have anything to do with the likelihood of having a mental illness. People with mental illnesses are not broken or fragile and should never be referred to as such.
3. “YOU’RE JUST NOT TRYING TO GET BETTER.”
Whether mental illnesses are environmentally triggered, genetic, neurobiological disorders or chemical imbalances in the brain, they cause individuals to suffer. People who have mental illnesses are not self-pitying or feeling sorry for themselves. They are also not suffering intentionally. Just the presence of a decision or intention to get better is not a cure – psychotherapy, medicine, lifestyle changes are. Individuals want to feel better but it often times it is a very difficult process.
4. “THERE ARE PEOPLE WORSE OFF THAN YOU” or “IT COULD BE WORSE.
Statements like these do not help individuals with mental illnesses feel better; in fact they make people feel guilty for feeling upset about their own, real, struggles. Instead, statements like “you’re not alone” or “I’m here to support you” make people feel understood and validated. Comparing difficulties does not help anyone or take away an individuals pain.
5. “JUST BE POSITIVE” or “FOCUS ON THE GOOD THINGS” or “HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE.”
While it may be very easy for a person without a mental illness to focus their energy and thoughts on positive things, this can be extremely difficult for individuals with mental illnesses. Certain mental illnesses heighten stress and anxiety, propelling individuals into negative thoughts, making “just think positively” mentally and physically impossible.
6. “YOU’RE BEING UNGRATEFUL TO GOD” or “YOU’RE NOT PRAYING ENOUGH.”
Statements like these are offensive, judgmental, and make individuals feel significantly worse about themselves and their spirituality (if so inclined). While praying and meditating can help cope with mental health problems, they cannot be considered as wholesome cures just as they are not considered cures for physical health problems, such as a cold or a fractured leg.
7. “JUST GET OVER IT.”
For people who do not suffer from mental illnesses, this is very easy to say. And for people who do suffer from mental illnesses, this is impossible to do. It is impossible because mental illnesses are not ‘fixed’ simply by thinking them out of your life. Psychotherapy, lifestyle changes, medicinal therapy, or a mixture of all, are effective treatments to help with mental illnesses. Instead of using statements like above, individuals who suffer from mental illnesses should be assured that they have support, before, during, and after treatment.
8. YOU’RE JUST LAZY”
Laziness is not a symptom of a mental illness. While individuals with depression, anxiety, or more severely, schizophrenia, may appear to be ‘lazy’, they are not. The lack of energy, mental and emotional struggles, and demotivation are often symptoms of serious mental illnesses; it is never just laziness. Care should be taken so as not to say things to people who have mental illnesses which may make their illness worse or make them feel worse about themselves.
We wouldn’t say:
“You say you have cancer, but just get over it.”
“Your leg isn’t broken, it’s just a fracture and you’re just being lazy.”
“You don’t really have the flu, you’re just doing it for attention.”
Individuals who have mental health problems hear the statements, listed above, on a regular basis. This is extremely problematic as this attitude and behavior is strictly limited to mental illnesses and does not lend itself to physical health problems.
Why is that?
There is a severe lack of awareness and education surrounding mental health.
There is a prevalence of stigmas and stigmatic behavior in our societies.
There is a lack of empathy for those who suffer from mental illnesses.
There is a double standard for those who have mental illnesses as compared to those who have physical illnesses.
Speaking up about these issues in public is one of the best ways we can change the way mental illnesses are perceived and treated. And equally as important is to be mindful about what we say to individuals who have a mental illness.
