This week’s blog entry is focusing on domestic abuse and some of the major signs and symptoms of on-going domestic abuse.
Domestic abusers can use a variety of physical and emotional techniques to gain control over another individual and maintain that control through fear, guilt, shame, intimidation, pain, and threats. Domestic abusers will also threaten to physically hurt a person or be physically violent towards them.
It is widely believed that domestic violence stems from a lack of control over the abusers own behavior. However, violent and abusive behavior is a choice and the abuser will exercise that choice to gain control and power.
Generally, violence in domestic abuse follows a pattern.
Initially, the abusive partner may have outburst of degrading, belittling, and aggressive behavior.
1. This is followed by feelings of guilt over the possibility of getting caught. It is important to note that this guilt does not stem from their own violent and abusive actions.
2. To mask the guilt, the abuser will begin to justify his/her behavior with either excuses or victim-blaming.
3. In a bid to regain control over the victim and return things to ‘normal’, the abuser will behave ‘normally’ for a while and try to draw the victim back in.
4. This is followed by the abuser beginning to fantasize about abusing his/her victim again. He/she may begin making a mental list of the victims ‘faults’ and beginning planning an abusive outburst.
5. Finally, the abuser ‘sets’ the victim up, putting them in a situation where he/she can justify their upcoming, abusive behavior.
SIGNS
Signs YOU are in an abusive relationship:
Pay close attention to your own thoughts and feelings in your situation and ask yourself:
Pay close attention to your partner’s behavior; is it belittling?
Pay close attention to your partners threatening or violent behavior.
Pay close attention to any controlling behavior displayed by your partner.
Signs someone ELSE is in an abusive relationship – an individual may:
WHAT TO DO
Speak up! If you think, or know, someone may be struggling with abuse, it is crucial to speak up and offer support. Asking the individual if something is wrong, expressing your concern or simply listening to validate are excellent ways to offer your help.
WHAT NOT TO DO
If you think or know someone is going through abuse, don’t wait for him or her to approach you. You can approach them but be very careful not to appear judgmental, blame the individual, pressure them into listening to you, or give advice. Provide unconditional support.
Do not expect a person who is struggling with abuse to simply walk out of their situation or leave their abuse partner. There are many reasons why an individual may not leave, or be afraid of leaving. A lack of social, cultural, familial, or financial support may keep the individual from leaving. Personal fears of abandonment and isolation, or feelings of guilt and anxiety may influence their decision as well. Additionally, if children are involved, the issue of custody may be the most important factor.
WHAT TO DO IN DUBAI
If you are a target of domestic abuse or know someone who is, there are resources available for professional help in Dubai.
The Dubai Foundation for Women and Children (DFWAC) provides immediate support services, shelter, and medical healthcare. The DFWAC operates a free, anonymous hotline that can be utilized by anyone. They can also be contacted via email and Facebook. The contact details are:
Telephone helpline: 800-111
Website: www.dfwac.ae
Email: info@dfwac.ae
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DFWAC/
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm
http://www.care2.com/causes/10-reasons-why-women-dont-leave-their-abusers.html
