Assertiveness is a concept often associated with misconceptions involving aggression and arguing. Factually, assertiveness entails the effective and honest communication of one’s needs, wants, feelings, beliefs, and opinions without disrespecting those of the other person. To assert our rights effectively, we first need to be able to identify whether we are effectively communicating while being assertive, as opposed to being passive or aggressive.
In the organizational context, the internal communication strategies maintained by corporations significantly impact the company’s health and productivity. One common outcome of poor communication within organizations is that employees lack a strong sense of connection to their organization, which in turn hinders company cohesiveness.
Communication is a two-way process, and it is important to understand that people may not always interpret what we say to them accurately. Effective communication ensures not only that we have sent the message that we wanted, but also that it is received and understood in the way that it was intended.
Passive behavior includes a lack of confidence for individuals to advocate for their own needs, wants, thoughts and feelings. They tend to let others make decisions and go along with them even if it contradicts what they think, feel, or want. Their attitude is focused on pleasing other people and disregarding or belittling themselves. This avoidance of expression, along with their apologetic nature, allows for their grievances to unconsciously build up until they have reached their threshold of tolerance. They may then experience outbursts that are usually disproportionate to the triggering incident and followingly feel guilt, shame, and confusion while returning to passivity.
Common thought, belief, and behavior patterns in those with a passive communication style:
“I am weak.”
“I can’t say no to people.”
“I don’t know what my rights are.”
“People never consider my feelings.”
Aggressive behavior is focused on the goal of winning at all costs and forcing others into submission. Individuals with this communication style express their thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants while violating the rights of others. This may involve offensive language, telling instead of asking, humiliating, and shaming. Attitudes surrounding this behavior are usually those of superiority and intimidation. This domination-centered mode of expression cultivates environments where they generate fear and hatred in others and are alienated by them. They also lack accountability and are quick to blame their problems on external factors or people.
Common thought, belief, and behavior patterns in those with an aggressive communication style:
“I am entitled.”
“You owe me.”
“It’s all your fault.”
“I will get my way no matter what.”
“I know more than you do, so listen to me.”
Assertiveness can be thought of as a healthy middle ground between the extremes of hostility/aggression and inactivity/passivity. Assertive communication skills include expressing your needs clearly while maintaining respect for the other person. Assertive individuals communicate towards a conclusion that is mutually agreed upon. They value themselves, their time, and their needs, and are strong advocates for what is acceptable and unacceptable to them. Those who are assertive understand that putting up healthy boundaries and saying ‘no’ to unacceptable things allows them to feel empowered while maintaining their relationships with people. It also provides the people in their life with an accurate understanding of what can be expected from them.
Common thought, belief, and behavior patterns in those with an assertive communication style:
“I speak clearly, honestly, and to the point.”
“I can’t control others, but I can control myself.”
“I realize that I have choices in my life, and I consider my options.”
“I am responsible for getting my needs met in a respectful manner.”
“We are equally entitled to express ourselves respectfully to one another.”
Advantages of being assertive include minimal conflict, control over emotions, more positive and healthy relationships, and having needs better met. Assertive expression allows for an honest and genuine connection to other people and a sense of competence and control over one’s life. This creates a respectful environment for growth and maturation as issues are addressed as they arise and not left to fester.
