Category: Blog

Last week on the HRIC Blog, we looked at the best way to communicate with those who struggle with mental illnesses. From reflective listening to compassionate expressing, we looked at best practices and practicing empathy.

This week, we’re going to take a look at counterproductive communication: what NOT to say to someone who has a mental illness.

1. “YOU DON’T HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS, YOU’RE DOING IT FOR ATTENTION.”
It is very difficult to tell others or share that you suffer from a mental illness with friends, family, or the public.  The potential risk of being judged, brushed aside, not taken seriously, or not believed hinders the chances of a person sharing this information and thus potentially deters them from seeking professional help. This is why it is crucial to be supportive, respectful, and trusting when a person tells you they have a mental illness. Mental illnesses are not fake or attention-seeking tools, they are real issues and people suffer greatly because of them.

2. “YOU’RE MENTALLY FRAGILE” or “YOU’RE WEAK.”
Mental illnesses do not make individuals weak nor does weakness have anything to do with the likelihood of having a mental illness. People with mental illnesses are not broken or fragile and should never be referred to as such.

3. “YOU’RE JUST NOT TRYING TO GET BETTER.”
Whether mental illnesses are environmentally triggered, genetic, neurobiological disorders or chemical imbalances in the brain, they cause individuals to suffer. People who have mental illnesses are not self-pitying or feeling sorry for themselves. They are also not suffering intentionally. Just the presence of a decision or intention to get better is not a cure – psychotherapy, medicine, lifestyle changes are. Individuals want to feel better but it often times it is a very difficult process.

4. “THERE ARE PEOPLE WORSE OFF THAN YOU” or “IT COULD BE WORSE.
Statements like these do not help individuals with mental illnesses feel better; in fact they make people feel guilty for feeling upset about their own, real, struggles. Instead, statements like “you’re not alone” or “I’m here to support you” make people feel understood and validated. Comparing difficulties does not help anyone or take away an individuals pain.

5. “JUST BE POSITIVE” or “FOCUS ON THE GOOD THINGS” or “HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE.”
While it may be very easy for a person without a mental illness to focus their energy and thoughts on positive things, this can be extremely difficult for individuals with mental illnesses. Certain mental illnesses heighten stress and anxiety, propelling individuals into negative thoughts, making “just think positively” mentally and physically impossible.

6. “YOU’RE BEING UNGRATEFUL TO GOD” or “YOU’RE NOT PRAYING ENOUGH.”
Statements like these are offensive, judgmental, and make individuals feel significantly worse about themselves and their spirituality (if so inclined). While praying and meditating can help cope with mental health problems, they cannot be considered as wholesome cures just as they are not considered cures for physical health problems, such as a cold or a fractured leg.

7. “JUST GET OVER IT.”
For people who do not suffer from mental illnesses, this is very easy to say. And for people who do suffer from mental illnesses, this is impossible to do. It is impossible because mental illnesses are not ‘fixed’ simply by thinking them out of your life. Psychotherapy, lifestyle changes, medicinal therapy, or a mixture of all, are effective treatments to help with mental illnesses. Instead of using statements like above, individuals who suffer from mental illnesses should be assured that they have support, before, during, and after treatment.

8. YOU’RE JUST LAZY”
Laziness is not a symptom of a mental illness. While individuals with depression, anxiety, or more severely, schizophrenia, may appear to be ‘lazy’, they are not. The lack of energy, mental and emotional struggles, and demotivation are often symptoms of serious mental illnesses; it is never just laziness. Care should be taken so as not to say things to people who have mental illnesses which may make their illness worse or make them feel worse about themselves.

We wouldn’t say:
“You say you have cancer, but just get over it.”
“Your leg isn’t broken, it’s just a fracture and you’re just being lazy.”
“You don’t really have the flu, you’re just doing it for attention.”

Individuals who have mental health problems hear the statements, listed above, on a regular basis. This is extremely problematic as this attitude and behavior is strictly limited to mental illnesses and does not lend itself to physical health problems.

Why is that?

There is a severe lack of awareness and education surrounding mental health.
There is a prevalence of stigmas and stigmatic behavior in our societies.
There is a lack of empathy for those who suffer from mental illnesses.
There is a double standard for those who have mental illnesses as compared to those who have physical illnesses.

Speaking up about these issues in public is one of the best ways we can change the way mental illnesses are perceived and treated. And equally as important is to be mindful about what we say to individuals who have a mental illness.

Throughout this month we’ve talked about how myths about mental health feed into the formation of stereotypes. Last week, we discussed the most common stereotypes about depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, and bipolar disorder.

Stigmas form based off the stereotypes we encounter and perpetuate from within our surroundings. Negative portrayals on the media, public opinion, lack of education and awareness, and personal stories of mental illnesses are just a few ways in which unreliable information can come together to form stereotypes and generalizations. One of the ways we can dispel some of the stigmas about mental health is to actively speak up against the negative portrayals of mental illnesses. If we don’t speak up, these stereotypes then have a snowball effect and become fully-fledged stigmas, which become engrained in our communities as facts. Speaking up in these situations is not just limited to public expression or one-to-many communication, but also applies to one-on-one communication.

‘Facts’ that act as justification for collective stigmatic behaviors such as discrimination and prejudice against individuals with mental illnesses lead to isolation, lack or withdrawal of support, and an overall negative treatment of people struggling with mental illnesses. Mostly important, however, is the impact that stigmatic behaviors and attitudes have on the likelihood of individuals seeking professional help for their mental illnesses. Stigmas can prevent individuals from seeking out professional mental healthcare services, leading to the worsening of their condition.

The way we communicate with individuals with mental illnesses also has a great impact on the way they perceive themselves, their illnesses, and the likelihood of them seeking professional help. Good communication results in an improvement in the relationship and it helps to remove any feelings of isolation that an individual may be feeling.

Effective and accurate communication with individual who have a mental health condition is a two-way street. Good communication always begins with good listening as that allows for a better understanding of a person and how they might be feeling. Listening, and specifically reflective listening, is crucial in letting the individual know that you are present for them. Reflective listening allows you to make sure you have understood what is being said and is a four-step process:

Step 1: Listen
As the name suggests, the first stage is to carefully listen to what the individual is saying without interrupting them.

Step 2: Reflect
At the second stage, you should respond to the individual with empathy and acceptance, and try to understand what is being said as best as you can.

Step 3: Ask Questions
At this stage, asking questions is encouraged and shows the speaker that you are making an active effort in trying to understand what is being said.

Step 4: Remember
As important as it is to understand what is being said, remembering what has been discussed as equally as important. Remembering content and details lets the individual know that you have a genuine interest and care for them and it strengthens the relationship.

Finally, expressing yourself is just as important as listening to what is being said. The key to effective expression is to speak calmly, clearly, and concisely. It is crucial to remain considerate of the other persons feelings and remain patient and flexible when it comes to expressing your thoughts on change or solutions. Change should never be enforced upon another as the change has to come from within the individual themselves.

Last week, we looked at some of the major social stigmas surrounding mental illnesses and the stigmatic behavior that accompanies them. This week, we’ll dive deeper into two of the specific types of social stigmas: religious stigmas and cultural stigmas.

The cultural and religious ideologies and teachings we are exposed to at a young age, help form the foundation of our values, beliefs, and perceptions of the things around us. The way we are taught religion and culture influence and often shape our perceptions of mental health and mental illnesses. This includes our beliefs about the causes of mental illnesses, the nature of mental illnesses, as well as our behavior towards individuals who may be mentally ill.

Possession
The cultural and religious influence into mental health has led some communities to believe that the sole cause of mental illnesses are possessions by jinn and belief in evil spirits. Severe disorders such as epilepsy (though not a mental disorder but a neurological one) and schizophrenia have long been ‘diagnosed’ as possession by evil spirits.

Destiny
The religious belief that everything occurs in an individual’s life is a part of his or her destiny also lends itself to the occurrence of mental illnesses. The belief that illness is written in a person’s destiny can lead to the development of fatalism if a person depends solely on a miraculous cure.

Medicinal Treatment
Cultural and religious stigmas of mental illnesses can have a great impact on the decision to seek professional help, psychotherapeutic or medicinal, for a mental health problem. The decision to undergo treatment that involves medicine can be an especially daunting one due to the cultural stigmas associated with it. Seeking medical treatment for a mental illness can be seen as socially damaging for an individual and the need to seek medical treatment in the first place can be seen as a personal weakness on the individual’s part.

Distrust
Due to the plentiful stigmas and lack of awareness of mental health, there is a general, cultural distrust of mental healthcare professionals in society, which has led to a negative attitude towards healthcare professionals.

Often times, strong beliefs in spirituality or religion can become a very effective coping mechanism for individuals struggling with a mental illness. Many Christian communities now have mental health ministries, as the religious community is often the first place individuals turn to for support as they struggle with mental illnesses. Communal support and religious beliefs can translate despair into strength and hope. In Islam, for example, illness connects an individual with God. It is believed that God sends all illnesses and all cures.

What is important to remember here is that a mental illness is a legitimate illness and should be addressed using the available resources, such as therapy, medicine, etc. In other words, God also sends mental illnesses and that provides individuals with hope in a cure as well.

This month on the HRIC Blog, we’ll be looking at the various types of stigmas that have long been associated with mental illnesses, treatments. In the first two weeks, we’ll take a closer look at the two most common types of stigmas: social and cultural. In the following week, we’ll be focusing on the myths and stigmas associated with the most common mental disorders: depression, anxiety, and OCD. In our final week, we’ll discuss some of the ways we can effectively dispel some of the myths, break free of stigmatic behavior, and compassionately communicate with individuals struggling with mental illnesses.

Before unpacking the stigmas, it is important to understand how exactly stigmas impact our society and our mental health. Below is a very simple flow chart that explains this process:

Stereotypes -> Stigmas -> Discrimination -> Negative Impact on Mental Health

Stigmas form based off the stereotypes we encounter and perpetuate from within our surroundings. Negative portrayals on the media, public opinion, lack of education and awareness, and personal stories of mental illnesses are just a few ways in which unreliable information can come together to form stereotypes and generalizations. These stereotypes then have a snowball effect and become fully-fledged stigmas, which become engrained in our communities as facts. These ‘facts’ act as justification for collective stigmatic behaviors such as discrimination and prejudice against individuals with mental illnesses. This leads to isolation, lack or withdrawal of support, and an overall negative treatment of people struggling with mental illnesses.

Some of the most common social stigmas against mental health are:

People with mental health problems are often unpredictable and violent.
There is no research to support the claim that people with mental illnesses are more violent, impulsive, or unpredictable that those without. In fact, people who are suffering from mental health issues are often times more likely to have been victims of violence or become victims in the future.

People with mental health problems are hopeless and they will never recover.
There is extensive amount of research to show that people with mental health problems recover from their illnesses or else learn effectively coping strategies and continue to live successfully. Psychotherapy, behavioral changes, and medicine are some of the ways people can help themselves cope with their illness.

People with mental health problems are not suitable employees and have a negative impact on the work environment and staff. 
People with mental health problems do not perform less effectively than those who don’t or those who have a physical health problem. Problems arise when people discriminate against mental illness sufferers by denying employment or unequal treatment, leaving them feeling isolated, stressed, and at times unemployed. This discriminatory behavior aggravates mental illnesses.

People with mental health problems can’t be helped. Only a professional can help them. 
While professional help is crucial to mental health recovery, family and friends are equally as important. Often times, family and friends will be the driving forces behind an individual seeking therapy or else just providing support. Nonprofessional support can be provided by:

• Showing compassion, care, and availability
• Guiding the individual towards resources and professional support
• Treating the individual with the same level of respect as a person without mental illnesses
• Understanding and communicating with the individual for who they are not their diagnosis or disorder

People with mental health problems are difficult to communicate with. 
While some individuals with mental health problems may have minor difficulties in speaking, understanding others, listening, or understanding body language, they are still able to communicate clearly, often without noticeable issues.

People can ‘snap out’ of their mental health problem and they are just lazy. 
Laziness or weakness has nothing to do with mental health problems. There are a variety of factors that explain the presence or development of mental health problems in individuals, such as:

• Biological factors: Genetic predispositions, family history of mental disorders, physical illnesses, brain chemistry
• Environmental factors: Physically, verbally, emotionally, or sexually abusive experiences, other traumatic experiences, history of exposure to negative life events

Our interactions on social media platforms, particularly with ill-informed mental health-related posts, are direct endorsements of the content of those posts. Every ‘like’, ‘follow’, ‘reblog’, and ‘repost’ by a user on Instagram or Tumblr is a contribution to the social media sphere. Social media platforms have made it easier for individuals to create, view, and share oft-romanticized mental health content.

Given the flexibility and speed with which hashtags are utilized in the context of mental illness, particularly depression, self-harm, anxiety, and bipolarity, social media platforms have taken it upon themselves to address the seriousness of these issues.

On Tumblr, a variety of prompts come up when a user searches for mental health-related tags. A search for the “self harm” tag brings up the following message:

Everything okay?
If you or someone you know is engaging in self-harm, SAFE Alternatives is here to help: call 1–800–366–8288
If you are experiencing any other type of crisis, consider chatting confidentially with a volunteer trained in crisis intervention at www.imalive.org, or anonymously with a trained active listener from 7 Cups of Tea.

A search for the “anxiety” and “depression” brings up this message:

Everything okay?
If you or someone you know are experiencing any type of crisis, please know there are people who care about you and are here to help. Consider chatting confidentially with a volunteer trained in crisis intervention at www.imalive.org, or anonymously with a trained active listener from 7 Cups of Tea.
It might also be nice to fill your dash with inspirational and supportive posts from TWLOHA, Half of Us, the Lifeline, and Love Is Respect.

Searching for the “suicide” tag brings up this message:

Everything okay?
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, the Lifeline is here to help: call 1–800–273–8255
If you are experiencing any other type of crisis, consider chatting confidentially with a volunteer trained in crisis intervention at www.imalive.org, or anonymously with a trained active listener from 7 Cups of Tea.
And, if you could use some inspiration and comfort in your dashboard, you should consider following the Lifeline on Tumblr.

On Instagram, a search for “suicide”, “self-harm”, and “depression” brings up the following message:

Content Advisory
Please be advised: These posts may contain graphic content. For information and support with suicide or self-harm please tap to learn more. 

While Tumblr and Instagram have disclaimers in place to help users who may be struggling with mental illnesses, other social media platforms have no similar prompts in place and anyone can search for mental illness tags. While a benefit of this is that individuals can find a supportive community where other people have similar struggles and share their feelings, the downside is that much of the blogs geared towards mental illnesses present an extremely distorted and romanticized version of mental illness.

This distortion merges those who are clinically depressed, diagnosed with anxiety, present with self-harm, or are suicidal, with those who are simply feeling negative emotions but have adopted the romanticized version of mental illnesses. This is harmful for individuals who have a mental illness and those who don’t but are feeling powerful, negative emotions.

Social media users, particularly teenagers, are increasingly attributing their sadness to having depression because of the romanticized idea of being “beautifully broken”. In a way this has made depression more accessible for those who are “wannabe depressed”. However, individuals do not benefit from this behavior in any way as their real problems are masked by an ill-informed self-diagnosis which many times is the result of feeling misunderstood, troubled, or needing attention. While falsely identifying with depression is wrong, and may provide a sense of justification or gratification for negative emotions, it doesn’t negate that there may be bigger issues that the individual is facing.

Social media websites such as Tumblr and Instagram are very beneficial to users as one of their primary functions is to allow users to curate, collect, and share creative work. Whether through sketches, comics, music, or writing, users benefit from websites like these, when used as intended, as they are a great outlet for creative expression, connectivity, and communication.

Another advantage of participating in social media communities is by finding and building a supportive society if/when they are going through a tough time in their lives or in the case of an ongoing mental illness. Finding a supportive community online allows individuals to share their stories and find comfort in each other. However, these communities shift from being helpful to harmful when people begin to participate in ways that encourage unhealthy behavior such as self-harm, self-diagnosis of mental disorders, and negative thinking.

The misrepresentation of mental illnesses in the entertainment media, news media, and social media has led to the romanticism of mental health in general. The entertainment and news media plays a large role in the misrepresentation of psychotherapists, psychologists, clients and patients.

In the media, such professions and clientele are portrayed as crazy, abnormal and attention-seekers, dismissing the legitimacy of real mental illnesses. On social media, while the presence of mental illnesses-related content or discussion does not dismiss the legitimacy of illnesses, it does minimize the severity of serious conditions. Social media platforms, particularly Tumblr and Instagram, are increasingly popular hubs for quotes, clothes, images, blogs, quizzes, ‘facts’, signage etc. all perpetuating and promoting inaccurate information about mental illnesses – especially anxiety, eating disorders, depression, and bipolar disorder.

Social media is essentially redefining what it means to have a mental illness. By creating false images, visual and metaphorical, and creating a false sense of ‘beauty’ and ‘positivity’ in mental illnesses, the content on Tumblr and Instagram communities is suggesting that individuals can become popular, successful, wealthy, and happy using their mental illness not in spite of it or battling it.  Additionally, eating disorders have been reduced down to lack of self-control, “phases” of binging and purging, or occasional emotional eating. Online communities on Tumblr and Instagram are overflowing with unhealthy weight loss tricks, images that serve as “thinspiration”, and unhealthy body goals. These communities are actually promoting eating disorders and unhealthy bodies, similar to the way communities are promoting depression and anxiety as “beautiful sadness”.

What this does is deny the fact that individuals with a mental illness have difficulty in their lives, struggle, and at times have to work harder than those without such conditions, to achieve the same level of success. It also denies the necessity of seeking professional help for serious problems. Romanticism of mental illnesses on social media can also lead to a number of other problems such as drug dependency, self-harm, and body dysmorphia. If individuals begin to receive medical treatment for a mental illness that they don’t have, they may become dependent or addicted on those drugs. Some individuals begin to believe that having a mental illness will make them unique or stand out. However in reality, living with a mental illness is extremely difficult.

In next week’s post, we’ll look more closely at how romanticism of depression and anxiety operates in the social media sphere, why teenagers are gravitating towards self-diagnosis of depression, and what the consequences of this behavior are.

In last week’s blog post, we discussed the negative effects of social media on teenagers, and while most research is devoted to the negative outcomes, there are a number of ways in which social media can be beneficial to teenagers. These benefits are divided into two categories: Social and intellectual.

Social Benefits

The greatest benefit of social media to teenagers is connectivity. Social media platforms allow teenagers to stay in touch with their family and friends regardless of their location. It also allows teenagers to connect with different people and make new friends, and expand their social networks. Teenagers benefit from having larger social networks not just because of the greater number of friends they make, but also because they become exposed to more learning opportunities.

Most, if not all, social media websites and applications are linked together in some way. Most platforms allow users to connect their Facebook accounts with their Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, or other social media accounts. The interconnectivity between different social networking websites and applications helps teenagers develop their social skills and enhances their interactions with others in different ways. Teenagers benefit from having a greater understanding and literacy of social media and are able to stand out and advance in a technologically charged society.

The expanded social circles allow teenagers to receive additional social support, which has perhaps the greatest impact on teenagers: increased self-confidence. With a heightened and healthy sense of self, teenagers are able to reap the intellectual benefits of social media.

Intellectual Benefits

Certain social media platforms, such as Instagram and Tumblr are creative havens for individuals interested in sharing or creating artistic content. This allows teenagers to go beyond the limits to creativity and ideas by encouraging the sharing of art, music, videos, written content, podcasts, etc. Simply by being available and free to use, platforms such as Tumblr and Instagram encourage and support individuals’ work and help them develop creative and technical skills.

Critical thinking, reading, and writing skills are further polished through the availability of chat rooms, blogs, e-books, discussion boards, and forums. Documentaries shared through social media may work to promote ethical thinking in teenagers. Books, movies, video games or essays which are shared widely across social media, may work to push the envelop of critical and traditional thinking in teenagers.

Cultural Benefits

A heightened cultural and political awareness is another great benefit to teenagers. Teenagers commonly interact most withonly family or close friends, which means they may be severely limited in their awareness of different cultures and political viewpoints. Expanded social media networks expose teenagers to different types of people making them well rounded and more able to adapt to changing societies.

Platforms such as Facebook and Twitter serve as hubs for news, current events, and political information, which encourage different types of thought in teenagers, push them to question cultural stereotypes, and develop a political stance. They even allow teenagers to participate in voluntary or charitable activities.

Social media can also serve as a source of positive role models for teenagers, providing them with individuals they can look up to and learn positivity and ethical values from.

With the rise of access to smartphones and social media, a significant amount of research has been devoted to the impact of social media usage on teenagers. The focus has increasingly been on the negative effects of social media and research has found that excessive usage of social media has a negative effect on teenagers’ mental health, self-esteem, and social skills. On the other hand, the usage of social media has positive implications as well and, in moderation, can provide positive social support, comfort, inspiration, and confidence.

The most worrisome factor of social media, however little the usage, is the impact it has on the mental health of teenagers. While the effects of social media increase with the amount of usage, even a slight amount of exposure can have a lasting impression on the user. Social media users, for example Instagram users, tend to post ‘perfect’ pictures of only the highlights of their lives and while this creates an aesthetically ideal Instagram page, it also perpetuates a version of life that is ideal but very unrealistic. Other viewers begin to feel incompetent or otherwise dissatisfied with their own lives and teenagers specifically begin to feel discontent with themselves; socially or personally, leading to the aggravation or development of mental health problems. This effect is known as ‘social comparison’.

The use of social media increases the comparisons made by individuals, whether upwards or downwards, and increases the likelihood of depressive symptoms. Simply put, social comparison has been linked as a mediating factor between depressive symptoms and use of social media. The ‘FOMO’ effect, a colloquial term that stands for “Fear Of Missing Out” on social events/gatherings or inside jokes, is also known to heighten anxiety and depressive symptoms in teenagers. Additionally, nighttime use of social media is particularly damaging to teenagers as they become more vulnerable to depression and anxiety if they experience sleep loss or poor quality of sleep.

Teenage consumers of social media may also face cyberbullying while on Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, Twitter, etc. Behaviors such as slut shaming and ‘dragging’ are prevalent throughout social media due to anonymity and lack of regulated use. Often times the presence of cyberbullying on social media has a desensitizing and dehumanizing affect on teenagers as they begin to consider bullying, violence, slut-shaming, mockery, and public shaming as a normal and socially-accepted behavior. This can result in the victims experiencing low self-esteem and isolation as research suggests that social media will often provide an illusion of companionship and social circles, while fostering emotional distance.

Deteriorating social skills is another negative effect of excessive social media use, particularly from a young age. Children need face-to-face interaction with other people in order to learn crucial communication, self-expression, and relationship-building skills. If this stage of interaction is replaced with online communication, children become unable to function and operate with other individuals.

In the next post we’ll look at some of the positive effects of social media.

One of the most important first steps when seeking therapy is to become aware of the rights you have as a patient. The therapist you decide to work with will always provide you with a copy of your rights along with a confidentiality agreement, which contains important details regarding privacy and anonymity. If you are unsure of, or in disagreement with, anything on the contract, you should discuss the terms with your therapist before or during your therapy session. You will be required to sign these documents before beginning treatment.

The following list covers your rights as a patient undergoing psychotherapy treatment:

• To request to see your therapist’ credentials and/or license
• Your therapist should be licensed in their country of origin and practice, as well as be affiliated with the appropriate regulatory entity
• To be clearly and respectfully explained patient rights and confidentiality
• To be provided details of the therapist involved in treatment, such as their name, education, specialty, and license
• To be able to participate in the development of patient’s treatment plan and individualized goals
• To be explained, in advance, the process of the therapeutic treatment
• To be able to request and obtain copies of all psychotherapy notes and assessment results from the psychotherapist or psychologist
• To receive privacy when undergoing consultations, assessments, and/or counseling
• To receive assurance that all information and records will remain confidential and undisclosed unless written authorization states otherwise
• To receive an itemized receipt detailing all the charges made to patient
• To maintain the right to consent to participate in clinical research
• To receive assurance that all information will be protected if the patient chooses to participate to any clinical research or studies
• To receive the highest quality of care regardless of race, nationality, age, sex, language, religion, social status, or origin of birth
• To terminate and discharge oneself from treatment at any time without consequence (unless treatment is court-ordered)
• To receive therapy that is free from any form of exploitation, discrimination, abuse, and ill-treatment
• To request a different therapist and be aided in finding a suitable replacement
• To be able to request and be provided with a second professional opinion on one’s treatment plan.

The law protects all communicative proceedings that take place between the patient and therapist. Patient records can only be shared or disclosed to a third-party with the written authorization of the affiliated patient. However, the confidentiality agreement between the patient and therapist may be breached in the case of the following three exceptions:

• Court subpoena
• On-going child abuse
• Suicidal/homicidal plan

Last week, we looked at how fasting for long periods of time could potentially be a trigger for people who are at risk of developing an eating disorder. It can also trigger a relapse in people who are recovering from a previous eating disorder. It is very important to be educated on the different types of eating disorders that people may be struggling with. The more aware we are of the different kinds of eating disorders, the more we are able to understand and provide support.

This week, we’re taking a closer look at the three most common eating disorders: Anorexia Nervosa, Binge-Eating Disorder, and Bulimia Nervosa.

Anorexia Nervosa

This disorder is characterized by the following:

• Insufficient intake of food resulting in extremely low bodyweight
• Obsession with weight, extreme fear of weight gain, constantly trying to prevent weight gain
• Self-esteem attached to body image
• Minimization or unawareness of conditions severity

There are two sub-types of Anorexia Nervosa:

1. Binge-Eating/Purging Type: Binge-eating and/or purging behaviors in the last three months
2. Restricting Type: No binge-eating or purging involved

Binge-Eating Disorder

Binge-eating disorder is characterized by the following:

• Frequent sessions of eating very large amounts of food without preventative behaviors such as self-induced vomiting
• Frequent sessions of feeling loss of control during the binge eating episodes
• Clear signs that binge-eating is out of control – binge-eating behavior occurs without hunger, until individual feels discomfort, or in isolation out of shame
• Stockpiling of food to eat at later times
• ​Feelings of stress and/or tension only relieved by eating
• Embarrassment over amount of food eaten
• Feelings of numbness while/after eating
• Feelings of satisfaction even after eating
• Feelings of guilt, disgust, shame, depression after eating

Individuals with binge-eating disorder oftentimes report issues with stress, insomnia, suicidal thoughts, and health. Additionally, anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts are common side effects of people with eating disorders.

Bulimia Nervosa

• Frequent sessions of consuming large amounts of food which are followed by preventative behaviors, such as self-induced vomiting
• Frequent sessions of feeling loss of control during binge-eating
• Self-esteem attached to body image

Eating disorders are serious conditions and can only be diagnosed by a trained healthcare professional. The characteristics and symptoms in this post have been simplified for the purpose of this blog, which is to spread general awareness.

Sunday | June 19, 2016

The following post has been featured in Khaleej Times and can be found here.

There are many theories that connect positive mental and physical well being to exercise since exercise is a mood booster. Exercise may provide individuals with a sense of accomplishment and usefulness, which can improve a person’s outlook on life. Exercising releases serotonin in the brain, which may help in coping with clinical depression. Exercise can also help moderate the body’s response to stress, making it have less of an impact on the individual. A consistent sleep schedule may also have a positive impact on the brain and thus improve mood and health.

The decision to exercise while fasting is a commonsensical one and it is important to consider how the body feels as it copes with being in a fasting state. If you feels lethargic or exhausted, whether mental, physically, or both, while you fast, it is a better idea not to engage in physical exercise. If you feel energetic in a fasting state, then you should be okay exercising.

Exercising before Iftar

Health and fitness experts do not recommend exercising before breaking the fast. It is beneficial to delay all intense and strenuous exercise until after iftar. Exercising on an empty stomach can result in feelings of dizziness, low blood pressure, and hypoglycemia. It can also lead to muscle injuries and muscle shedding as the body begins to burn muscle instead of fat on an empty stomach.

If the only time you are free to exercise is before breaking your fast then a short walk beforehand is the most that you should do.

Best Times to Exercise in Ramadan

Before Suhoor

Ideally, the best time to exercise is just before suhoor, before the pre-dawn meal. It is best to drink a lot of water and wait a half-hour before beginning to exercise. The workout should be limited to low-to-medium intensity as to prevent muscle loss.

After Taraweeh

Another good time is to exercise after the taraweeh prayers. You can complete a medium-to-high intensity workout at this time and also incorporate the pre and post-workout meal.

After Iftar but Before Taraweeh

The period after iftar but before taraweeh is the third best option. This is a suitable time for a low-medium intensity workout – but this might be a problem in the UAE since there is only around one and a half hours between iftar and Isha, making it a little more difficult to squeeze exercising in.

After Iftar

The fourth best option is to schedule cardiovascular exercise around a half-hour after iftar is another option for a quick but high-intensity workout – but this should only be done after eating a light iftar meal.

All workouts should be kept between 30 to 60 minutes and cardiovascular exercises should be limited to twice a week. Heavy exercise such as running, swimming heavyweight training etc. should be avoided and light exercises such as push-ups, Pilates, cycling, and full-body stretching are encouraged.

Regardless of whether you’re exercising before or after iftar, if you begin to feel lightheaded, dizzy, or sick, you should immediately stop and rest.

Sources:

http://www.islamicity.org/8479/the-ramadan-nutrition-and-workout-plan-for-success/

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/the-running-blog/2013/sep/19/fasted-training-eat-before-exercise

http://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/12/exercise.aspx

http://dailyburn.com/life/health/intermittent-fasting-exercise-weight-loss/

The food we eat helps us keep going throughout the day and affects the functioning of our brain, our mood, and our emotions. It impacts our physical and mental health. Diet and nutrition greatly affect mental health and mental illnesses according to a large body of psychological research. Our diet affects our genes, our immune system and overall physical health, which in turn affects our mental health.

Risk factors for developing anxiety and depression include eating an unhealthy diet. Diet and nutrition also affects our stress response. At times people with mental illnesses can feel tired and low in energy due to their mental illness, which is why a balanced, nutritious diet is essential. Weight problems can also occur, as some people might always feel hungry, thus gain excessive weight, while some might not feel hungry at all, and thus lose essential nutrients from their body.

Individuals who do not report having mental health issues report to include fresh fruits and vegetables in their diet. Those who report mental health issues have been found to eat less fresh fruits and vegetables and eat more junk food such as crisps, ready-made meals and chocolate among others.

Certain food groups are especially good for maintaining mental health. Carbohydrates provide our brains with serotonin, a neurotransmitter that has a calming effect on our mood. Protein-rich foods provide us with healthy amounts of tyrosine, dopamine and norepinephrine, which increase our alertness. Omega-3 fatty acids are literally brain food and control many of the processes in our brains. Foods containing vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants help replenish the brain, protecting it from oxidative stress and harmful free radicals.

What to avoid for healthy mental functioning:

Excessive caffeine
Caffeine triggers the brain with adrenaline and makes us feel more alert and awake and while it provides this kick, too much caffeine is harmful for mental health. According to the National Institutes of Health, around four cups of brewed coffee or five servings of tea or caffeinated drinks are considered a moderate amount of caffeine intake. Excessive caffeine intake can cause heart palpitations, anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia and irritability among others.

As an alternative, drink around 8 glasses of water a day, which flushes out toxins, hydrates and also provides energy.

Excessive sugar
Even though sugar can provide a sudden boost in energy too, this boost is short-lived and can have adverse effects on health. Sugars are also simply calories, without any essential nutrients, and can be a cause of obesity. Diets high in sugar have been found to lead to impaired brain functioning and worsening of mood disorders.

Adding cinnamon to food can regulate blood sugar levels and in turn, stop cravings.

Fried foods
Fried foods, even though they are the ultimate comfort food, are detrimental to health as they are simply empty calories with little nutritional value. Fried foods can also lead to excessive weight gain and have been found to be a risk factor for depression.

What to eat:

Breakfast
Breakfast provides us with the initial boost of energy and nutrition that our brain has used up during sleep. Skipping this initial energy could lead to fatigue and lower brain functionality due to a lack of nutrition. Even a small breakfast, like a granola bar or fruit, can provide this much-needed energy.

Beta-carotene: Apricots, broccoli, cantaloupe, carrots
Vitamin C: Blueberries, broccoli, grapefruits, kiwi
Vitamin E: Margarine, nuts, seeds, vegetable oils
Amino acids: Turkey, tuna, skinless chicken, beans, peas, lean beef, low-fat cheese, fish, milk, yogurts, soy products
Specifically for individuals with bipolar disorder: avoid grapefruit juice – may interact with certain medicine

Sunday | July 3, 2016

This month we will be discussing the different forms of abuse that affect millions of people from all corners of the world. Abuse affects people of all religious, cultural, socioeconomic and ethnic backgrounds. It is crucial to understand the forms that abuse manifests itself in so that you can recognize an abusive situation should it present itself. Below are the definitions of the four most common forms of abuse:

“Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.”

“Child abuse is when a parent or caregiver, whether through action or failing to act, causes injury, death, emotional harm or risk of serious harm to a child. There are many forms of child maltreatment, including neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, exploitation, and emotional abuse.”

“Sexual abuse is any situation in which you are forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity. Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you also have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence.”

“Emotional abuse is aimed to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. It includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse.”

Many people do not see themselves as victims, nor do abusers see themselves as being abusive. However, abusers use a variety of tactics in order to manipulate their victim and exert their power. By understanding these tactics, victims can better identify abuse and remove themselves from a harmful situation more efficiently.

Dominance is used in order to make the abuser feel in charge of the victim.

Humiliation is used in order to make the victim feel bad about oneself or defective in some way. The hopes of this is for the victim to begin to believe that if no one else wants him/her, then they are less likely to leave (especially in a domestic situation).

Isolation is used in order for the victim to increase their dependence on the abuser by being cut off from the outside world.

Threats are commonly used to keep the other person from leaving the situation and to scare them into dropping charges.

Intimidation is used to make the victim submissive.

Denial and blame is used to minimize the abuse, deny that it occurred, or shift the responsibility onto the victim in order to make excuses for the inexcusable.

Remember, abusers are able to control their behavior. They carefully chose whom to abuse, when to abuse and where to abuse. They are able to stop their abusive behavior when it benefits them. It is essential to refrain from making excuses for an abuser, and to understand that the victim is never to blame.

It is important to speak up if you know someone who is struggling with abuse.

Do

• Ask if something is wrong
• Express concern
• Listen and validate
• Offer help
• Support his or her decisions

Don’t

• Wait for him or her to come to you
• Judge or blame
• Pressure him or her
• Give advice
• Place conditions on your support

Sources:

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm
https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/

This week’s blog entry is focusing on domestic abuse and some of the major signs and symptoms of on-going domestic abuse.

Domestic abusers can use a variety of physical and emotional techniques to gain control over another individual and maintain that control through fear, guilt, shame, intimidation, pain, and threats. Domestic abusers will also threaten to physically hurt a person or be physically violent towards them.

It is widely believed that domestic violence stems from a lack of control over the abusers own behavior. However, violent and abusive behavior is a choice and the abuser will exercise that choice to gain control and power.

Generally, violence in domestic abuse follows a pattern.
Initially, the abusive partner may have outburst of degrading, belittling, and aggressive behavior.

1. This is followed by feelings of guilt over the possibility of getting caught. It is important to note that this guilt does not stem from their own violent and abusive actions.

2. To mask the guilt, the abuser will begin to justify his/her behavior with either excuses or victim-blaming.

3. In a bid to regain control over the victim and return things to ‘normal’, the abuser will behave ‘normally’ for a while and try to draw the victim back in.

4. This is followed by the abuser beginning to fantasize about abusing his/her victim again. He/she may begin making a mental list of the victims ‘faults’ and beginning planning an abusive outburst.

5. Finally, the abuser ‘sets’ the victim up, putting them in a situation where he/she can justify their upcoming, abusive behavior.

SIGNS

Signs YOU are in an abusive relationship:

Pay close attention to your own thoughts and feelings in your situation and ask yourself:

• Are you fearful of your partner? Do you avoid talking about certain topics because of this fear
• Do you feel deserving of abuse or violence?

Pay close attention to your partner’s behavior; is it belittling?

• Do you face criticism, humiliation, or yelling from your partner?
• Are you embarrassed for your family or friends to see your partner’s treatment towards you?

Pay close attention to your partners threatening or violent behavior.

• Is uncontrollable anger, bad temperament, or unpredictable moods/behavior involved?
• Do you receive threats from your partner?
• Have you been threatened or physically hurt by your partner?
• Has your partner threatened to kill you or hurt themself if you leave?

Pay close attention to any controlling behavior displayed by your partner.

• Is there excessive jealousy, possessiveness, or control of whereabouts by your partner?
• Has your partner refused to allow you to see your family or friends?

Signs someone ELSE is in an abusive relationship – an individual may:

• Be generally anxious or very eager to please their partner
• Be overly agreeable and nonassertive with partner
• Constantly report their location, company, etc. to partner very often
• Get phone calls or messages from their partner that are threatening and/or harassing in nature
• Talk about the partners possessiveness, jealousy, or anger problems
• Have lots of bruises or injuries frequently which may be falsely explained as accidentals injuries
• Consistently miss work, school, or social appointments without a reason
• Wear clothes that cover injuries
• Have limited money or access to a car
• Rarely be allowed to see friends, family, or go out in the public
• Have significantly low self-esteem, be depression, suicidal, or anxious
• Go through changes in personality

WHAT TO DO

Speak up! If you think, or know, someone may be struggling with abuse, it is crucial to speak up and offer support. Asking the individual if something is wrong, expressing your concern or simply listening to validate are excellent ways to offer your help.

WHAT NOT TO DO

If you think or know someone is going through abuse, don’t wait for him or her to approach you. You can approach them but be very careful not to appear judgmental, blame the individual, pressure them into listening to you, or give advice. Provide unconditional support.

Do not expect a person who is struggling with abuse to simply walk out of their situation or leave their abuse partner. There are many reasons why an individual may not leave, or be afraid of leaving. A lack of social, cultural, familial, or financial support may keep the individual from leaving. Personal fears of abandonment and isolation, or feelings of guilt and anxiety may influence their decision as well. Additionally, if children are involved, the issue of custody may be the most important factor.

WHAT TO DO IN DUBAI

If you are a target of domestic abuse or know someone who is, there are resources available for professional help in Dubai.

The Dubai Foundation for Women and Children (DFWAC) provides immediate support services, shelter, and medical healthcare. The DFWAC operates a free, anonymous hotline that can be utilized by anyone. They can also be contacted via email and Facebook. The contact details are:
Telephone helpline: 800-111
Website: www.dfwac.ae
Email: info@dfwac.ae
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DFWAC/

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm

http://www.care2.com/causes/10-reasons-why-women-dont-leave-their-abusers.html

Child abuse can take shape in the form of physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect and abandonment, and emotional and psychological abuse.

Signs of physical abuse on a child:
– Unexplained bruises, injuries, cuts etc. appearing frequently
– Child is constantly on high alert as if waiting for a negative event to occur
– Cuts, bruises, or other injuries seem to have a pattern in terms of appearance, marks, etc. e.g. hand marks
– Child has a fear of going home, is startled by sudden movements, or moves away from physical touch

Any physical harm/injury, attempted or enacted, on a child is considered physical abuse. Some abuse is the result of discipline; however, there is a difference between physical abuse and discipline. When discipline crosses the line and becomes physical abuse, there are several factors that stand out.

Unpredictability and a lack of rules and boundaries mean a child never knows how the parent may react to something. This results in the child constantly being watchful and cautious and uncomfortable. Some parents/guardians will lash out on children and have no motivation or desire to discipline in a loving manner. Abusive parents/guardians also use fear to make children behave however, children learn how to not be hit instead of positive behavior.

Neglect and abandonment from parents is a form of parental abuse and it may often present itself in the form of a failing pattern. The parents may consistently be failing to provide for their child’s basic needs in the form of food, supervision, hygiene, and clothing.

Some signs of on-going abuse:
– Child wears clothing that is insufficient or inappropriate for the weather or clothes are ill-fitting (i.e. loose, baggy, unclean, too thick or too thin)
– Child’s hygiene is noticeably and consistently bad, for example, unwashed hair or clothes, body odor, dirty clothes etc.
– Child presents with many physical injuries or illnesses which are left untreated
– Child misses school frequently or is late consistently
– Child is left unsupervised without adults consistently and in unsafe places
– Is frequently unsupervised or left alone or allowed to play in unsafe situations and environments

Tips for talking to an abused child:
– Do not deny or refute what the child tells you
– Be reassuring and remain calm – this will allow the child to continue speaking and feel supported and safe
– Don’t ask leading questions or interrogate the child – allow them to continue in their own words
– Reassure the child that the situation is not their fault and they did nothing wrong
– Provide professional support/resources for the child

What to do in Dubai

The UAE’s Child Protection Law protects the rights of all children, whether they are tourists or residents.

Any and all incidents of child abuse can be reported at the following support service centers. Reports can be made using the telephone helplines, email addresses provided, or through contact forms on the websites. All reports are kept completely anonymous.

Community Development Centre (CDA) Child Protection Centre
Website:
https://www.cda.gov.ae/en/socialcare/childrenandyouth/Pages/ChildProtectionCentre.aspx
Helpline: 800-988
Email: child@cda.gov.ae

The UAE Ministry of Interior
Website: http://www.moi-cpc.ae/en/default.aspx
Helpline: 116-111

Dubai Foundation for Women and Children (DFWAC)
Helpline: 800-111
Website: www.dfwac.ae
Email: info@dfwac.ae
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DFWAC/

Sources:
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/child-abuse- and-neglect.htm

This week we are going to discuss emotional abuse. While many forms of abuse are shown through visible scarring, emotional abuse often leaves scars on your self-worth, confidence, and dignity. Hurtful words, humiliation, and other forms of maltreatment can cause a lost sense of self, and create damaging implications for the victim’s future.

Emotional abusers use numerous non-physical tactics in order to instill fear and intimidation into their victims. They may dominate, control, or shame their target by treating them as though they are inferior. Judgment and criticism are also common strategies used in order to instill their superiority over the victim. Another tactic used is emotional distancing, abandoning, and neglect. The isolation that comes from these actions can cause severe harm to a person, making it more difficult to willingly trust and depend on others in the future.

Bullying is one of the main forms of emotional abuse, especially amongst children and teenagers. Many young bullies struggle with feeling important and in control in their own lives, which can cause them to project these feelings of helplessness onto someone else. These bullies often have poor self-esteem and tend to manipulate others to cope with those same feelings by exerting their power over them. They may choose a victim who seems emotionally or physically weaker, or perhaps someone who acts or appears different from other kids in some way.

The effects of bullying can be detrimental to a person’s livelihood and can have lasting effects that carry on well into adulthood. There are numerous impacts on mental health through becoming a victim of bullying, such as increased feelings of sadness and loneliness that can metamorphose into depression and anxiety.

Other symptoms of those who have been bullied in the past include: 
– Changes in sleep and eating patterns
– Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy
– Health complaints
– Decreased academic achievement and school participation
– Substance abuse
– Suicide

Here are a few ways to tell if your son or daughter has become a victim of bullying:
– Has few, if any friends, with whom he or she spends time
– Seems afraid of going to school, walking to and from school, riding the school bus, or taking part in organized activities with peers
– Finds or makes up excuses as to why they can’t go to school
– Has lost interest in school work or suddenly begins to do poorly in school
– Appears sad, moody, teary, or depressed when he or she comes home
– Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams
– Appears anxious and suffers from low self-esteem

What to do
If you find out your son or daughter is being bullied, it is essential to praise your child for speaking up about the situation. This was most likely a very difficult step for your child to take, so remind your child that he/she is not alone, as many people face some form of bullying at one time or another. Remember to emphasize that it’s the bully who is behaving badly- not your child. Ensure your child that he/she is not going to have to face this situation alone; reassure them that you will figure out what to do about it together. In most cases, it is best to let someone at school know about the situation, such as the principal, a counselor or a teacher, as they will know how to handle the situation in an objective, professional manner.

Sources:
http://www.stompoutbullying.org/index.php/information-and- resources/parents-page/tip-sheet- signs-your- child-being- bullied/

In this post, we will be discussing sexual abuse and the lasting, painful effects on victims, as well as tips on effective recovery methods.

The American Psychological Association defines sexual abuse as “unwanted sexual activity, with perpetrators using force, making threats, or taking advantage of victims not able to give consent.” This can include rape, molestation, incest, and/or sexual harassment to a person of any race, age, or sexual orientation. Child sexual abuse is considered to be “a child or young
person being pressurized, forced, tricked or coerced into taking part in any kind of sexual activity with an adult or another young person.” A minor cannot consent to any form of sexual activity at all. It is important to remember that sexual abuse does not always involve body contact; exposing a child to sexual situations or material is also considered sexually abusive.

Both males and females can suffer from sexual abuse, however sexual abuse in males may be underreported due to shame and the stigma that is attached. However, one in six men have experienced some form of sexual abuse before the age of 18. In 9 out of 10 cases in which a child is sexually abused, the perpetrator is someone the child or family knows and should be able to trust, such as a close relative. Perpetrators often manipulate victims to stay quiet about sexual abuse through the exploitation of their position of power to coerce or intimidate the child, as well as the usage of threats if the child refuses to participate or plans to tell another adult.

Sexual abuse at any age can cause guilt, shame and blame for the victim. The victim may struggle with low self-esteem, which can be due to the negative messages received from the abuser as well as the violation of one’s personal safety that has ensued. These effects on the sense of self and wellbeing can cause severe intimacy issues in later relationships. Survivors may experience flashbacks or painful memories while engaging in sexual activity, as well as struggle to set boundaries that help them to feel safe in later relationships. Self-loathing and sexual problems can be a result of abuse as victims grow older as well. They may find themselves on either excessively promiscuous or unable to have intimate relationships.

In the case of sexual abuse involving children, children may not speak up because of:

– The shame it causes them
– They may worry others won’t believe them
– They may worry others will be angry with them
– They may worry that it will split their family apart

A few warning signs that a child has been sexually abused are:

– They have trouble walking or sitting
– They display knowledge or interest in sexual acts inappropriate to his or her age, or even seductive behavior
– They make strong efforts to avoid a specific person, without an obvious reason
– They do not want to change clothes in front of others or participate in physical activities

If you have become a victim of sexual abuse, the following strategies can helpyou cope with the trauma and move towards living healthy, positive life:

Take part in therapy – Psychotherapy can provide victims with an open, non-judgmental safe space in which you can learn new coping skills, ways to deal with your feelings, and the exploration of thoughts that one may not feel comfortable sharing with a friend or family member.

Open Up – Writing about trauma can reduce the stress and anxiety by facing these painful memories. Writing about difficult experience can raise immunity and improve life functioning when dealing with recovery.

Take care of your self – Try to remember and return to a time when you were physically and emotionally healthy and recreate the environment and actions that you took part in, for example, how were you sleeping? What types of food were you eating? What fun or leisure activities did you enjoy? Who did you spend time with? Try to return to the simple daily activities that gave you routine, reassurance, and overall joy.

If you know someone who has become a victim of sexual abuse, remember that the healing process is fluid. Victims will have good days and they will have bad days, so don’t interpret the bad days as a “setback”. This is part of the process, and it is essential to remain nonjudgmental and simply be there as a constant support source.

What to do in Dubai

Become familiar with professional resources that you can recommend to a survivor. Any and all incidents of child abuse can be reported at the following support service centers. Reports can be made using the telephone helplines, email addresses provided, or through contact forms on the websites. All reports are kept completely anonymous.

Dubai Police
The Dubai Police has a trained special team of policewomen to speak with victims in dedicated rooms at police stations in order to make children feel more comfortable when speaking about the sensitive subject of abuse.
Email: mail@dubaipolice.gov.ae
24/7Call Center: 901
Contact details for police stations at various locations can be found here:
https://www.dubaipolice.gov.ae/dp/jsps/content/flat_content.do?contentCode=105853

Community Development Centre (CDA) Child Protection Centre
Website: https://www.cda.gov.ae/en/socialcare/childrenandyouth/Pages/ChildProtectionCentre.aspx
Helpline: 800-988
Email: child@cda.gov.ae

The UAE Ministry of Interior
Website: http://www.moi-cpc.ae/en/default.aspx
Helpline: 116-111

Dubai Foundation for Women and Children (DFWAC)
DFWAC provides immediate support services, shelter, and medical healthcare. The DFWAC operates a free, anonymous hotline that can be utilized by anyone.
Helpline: 800-111
Website: www.dfwac.ae
Email: info@dfwac.ae
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DFWAC/

Sources
http://www.apa.org/topics/sexual-abuse/
https://1in6.org/the-1- in-6- statistic/
https://rainn.org/get-information/types- of-sexual- assault/child-sexual- abuse

Anyone who has fasted before, be it for a day or a month, can understand the physical and mental struggle that accompanies it. However, individuals who have eating disorders have to face an additional struggle of their own. Fasting during the period of Ramadan poses a host of struggle for individuals either with eating disorders or in recovery.

When the number of clients, presenting with eating disorders, began to increase during the month of Ramadan and afterwards, the researchers and practitioners at a mental health clinic in Turkey decided to find out if there was a link between eating disorders and fasting. The results of their study suggested that fasting and participating in Ramadan did not cause an eating disorder to develop but that this period of time can act as a trigger for individuals who are especially vulnerable to developing an eating disorder.

It can also be a risk for those who are currently recovering; resulting in relapse.

The development of a full eating disorder can be fast-forwarded for individuals who are already at risk due to the restriction on eating food and drinking water. People who are in the process of recovering from an existing eating disorder can be triggered by the lack of nutrition and be mentally pulled back into a time in their life where they had stopped themselves from eating and drinking.

It is difficult for the body and mind of an individual with an eating disorder to be in a state of fasting. The presence and pressure of suddenly needing to binge-eat at iftar, in order to break the fast, may overwhelm an anorexic person. Similarly, the feeling of overwhelm may come to a bulimic person when suddenly they have a very full stomach. This culturally accepted process of binge eating at iftar often triggers a purging response and compels individuals to expedite the removal of the food in their stomachs, either by throwing up or on the contrary eating extremely small amounts of food in the first place.

Eating disorders are serious mental illnesses and individuals who have eating disorders or are recovering should be careful in making any decision to fast. Even though fasting during Ramadan is an obligation for Muslims, individuals who are sick or have a health condition are exempt. Individuals can also consider participating in Ramadan through other means, such as involvement in charity, extra prayers, servicing the community, etc. It may be a good idea to consult with a physician, psychologist, or a religious leader for professional opinion and guidance.

It is very important to remember that religious or non-religious fasting does not cause or trigger an eating disorder in individuals who are not already at risk or vulnerable to developing the condition. It is crucial to consider factors that would make an individual have a predisposition to eating disorders, such as genetics, personality traits, self-esteem or body image consciousness, and depression and anxiety.

Next week, we’ll be taking a closer look at the most common eating disorders, their symptoms, and some of the reasons why individuals may develop eating disorders.

Links used:
http://www.scienceofeds.org/2015/04/10/not-so-fast-is-there-a-connection-between-religious-fasting-and-eating-disorders/

It’s August and many of us have had to force ourselves to return to Dubai after a refreshing and detoxing holiday. If you, like us, travelled over 6 hours to return home, then the feeling of dread over going back to work is no-doubt accompanied with the all too common, never-ending spiral of sleep deprivation: jetlag!

Did you know that jetlag is considered a short-term sleep disorder? It’s called Jet Lag Disorder.

We’re kicking off August talking about sleep disorders and, of course, jetlag is right at the top of our list. The other most common disorders are:
– Narcolepsy
– Restless Leg Syndrome
– Insomnia

Before we continue, it is important to highlight that there are a number of other disorders, in addition to the ones listed above, that affect sleep. The disorders have been sorted into the following categories:
– Abnormal Sleep Behavior Disorders
– Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorders
– Excessive Daytime Sleepiness Disorders
– Sleep Related Breathing Disorders
– Sleep Related Movement Disorders

In this blog post, we’ll only be looking at the four most common sleep disorders.

So what exactly is a sleep disorder?
Sleep Disorders can affect an individual’s “ability to sleep well on a regular basis”. They can cause moderate to severe sleepiness and dysfunction across a persons “social, emotional, physical, and mental functioning”.

Jet Lag Disorder
Jet Lag Disorder is a travel-induced sleep problem, which is temporary and can impact anyone who has travelled a long way across many time zones. The sleep problem is the result of the body attempting to sleep according to the time in the original time zone (location travelled from) instead of adjusting to the new site (location travelled to). Recovery for Jet Lag Disorder is typically one day for each time zone travelled.

Common symptoms of jetlag are:
– Daytime fatigue and/or difficulty concentrating
– Nighttime disturbance – excessive sleepiness, insomnia, waking up early
– Constipation, diarrhea, or other stomach issues
– Changes in mood and general feeling of illness

Narcolepsy
Narcolepsy is a disorder that impacts the control of wakefulness and sleep. People who have Narcolepsy experience sudden episodes of sleepiness in the daytime and episodes where they uncontrollably fall asleep. The episodes of sleepiness can happen at any time and during any activity – even while driving! Narcolepsy is the result of a dysfunction in the brain that controls sleeping and waking.

Some common symptoms and signs of narcolepsy are:
– Visualizing or hearing things while in a drowsy state OR dreaming before being asleep
– Feeling a loss of muscle control (Cataplexy) while experiencing strong emotions, laughing, or feeling angry
– Having vivid dreams or dreaming immediately after falling asleep
– Experiencing sleep paralysis or being unable to move upon waking up

Restless Leg Syndrome
Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) causes individuals to have an uncontrollable and intense urge to move their legs (though it can impact the arms as well), especially while they have been sitting for long periods of time or while lying in bed. Falling asleep and/or staying asleep can become extremely difficult due to this disorder and can result in drowsiness, irritability, concentration issues during the daytime (typically due to inadequate sleep or poor quality of sleep).

Some symptoms of RLS are:
– Creeping, tingling, or aching sensations or discomfort in the legs (or arms) which result in strong urges to move the limbs
– Uncomfortable sensations are aggravated by rest or during the nighttime
– Getting up, moving the legs or arms, stretching, or massaging provides temporary relief
– Leg repetitively cramping or jerking while sleeping

Insomnia

Insomnia is a severely debilitating disorder characterized by a consistent lack of sleep. Unhealthy sleeping habits, substance and /or biological factors, physical medical and psychiatric conditions may significantly contribute to insomnia. Research is still being conducted on whether insomnia is the result of an overactive wake drive or an underactive sleep drive.

Since most of us are probably struggling with jetlag as we settle back into real life, we’ve compiled a list of ways to cope with jetlag below:
– Consider taking Melatonin. Melatonin is the hormone released by the body to promote sleep and available as a supplemental pill. Consult your doctor before trying any medication or supplements. 
– Take a warm bath just before going to bed
– Eat a healthy, light meal before bed
– Give Natural Light therapy a try or go outside in the sun to wake the body up
– Take care against noise or light disturbances. Wear an eye mask or ear plugs while sleeping.

Sources:
http://www.healthline.com/health/sleep/disorders#Overview1
http://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases_conditions/hic_Common_Sleep_Disorders

If you’ve been caught sneaking a nap at your desk, been petitioning for the addition of nap-pods at the workplace, or just been grumpy at work after a sleepless night, keep reading because this week, we’re looking at what constitutes as ‘good’ sleep, how to get good quality sleep, and most importantly, the benefits of taking a nap!

So how much sleep?

The National Sleep Foundation recommends 7-9 hours of sleep for the average adult (26-64 years old). This range can be decreased to six hours of sleep per night or increased to 10 hours of sleep per night depending on the individual. Anything less than approximately six hours and anything over 10 hours is not recommended.
For younger adults, between 18-25 years old, the sleep recommendation is the same, but an additional hour of sleep is acceptable.

Teenagers are recommended to sleep 8-10 hours, plus or minus one hour, and school-aged children are recommended 9-11 hours of sleep, also plus or minus one hour.

Recommendations of sleep for other age groups are available on The National Sleep Foundation website.

Are we getting good sleep?

A healthy sleep pattern consists of:

• Being able to fall asleep within 15-20 minutes of getting into bed
• Getting the recommended hours of sleep in each day
• Getting continuous sleep without periods of unwanted wakefulness
• Waking up feeling refreshed and alert
• Being able to be productive and remain alert throughout the day

How do we improve the quality of our sleep?

• Diet! Eating well and maintaining a healthy weight contributes to our quality of sleep
• Exercise. Regularly exercising keeps our bodies fit and also tires us out enough so when its time for bed, we’re able to fall asleep easily
• Exposure to light. Our bodies regulate ‘sleep hormones’ based on our exposure to light. When it begins to darken, our sleep hormones begin to release. This is why it is important to put our computers, phones, and tablets away at least an hour before we need to sleep and also limit our exposure to television. The light tricks our bodies into thinking its daytime and makes it difficult to fall asleep.
• Bedtime ritual/schedule. Having a set schedule for bedtime and incorporating a ritual before bedtime is an excellent way to ease our bodies into ‘sleep mode’. Taking a warm shower, drinking non-caffeinated tea, reading a book, or dimming the lights in the room before bedtime.
• Caffeine/nicotine/alcohol. Limit your consumption of caffeinated drinks, nicotine, and alcohol as they impact the ability to fall asleep as well as sleep quality. Caffeinated drinks should be consumed before 3pm as not to impact sleep.

The case for Naps.

Naps can make us feel refreshed and energized at any given time. Naps are also proven to benefit us by boosting our creativity, productivity, and mood. Lets take a more in-depth look at the case for naps.

Napping improves:

• Learning and memory – A study in 2008 on MRI scans showed that individuals who take daytime naps have increased brain activity compared to those who don’t nap. Additionally, mental fatigue improves after a 60-90 minute nap.
• Creativity – Boots in creativity and efficiency in solving creative problems are linked with consist napping which took the sleeper into deep REM sleep
• Alertness – Quick 10 or 20 minute naps provide boosts of alertness
• Mood – Napping gets rid of crankiness that may come from feeling sleepy in adults and children alike
• Productivity – Naps improve efficiency and productivity, especially at work
• Stress management – The National Sleep Foundation calls napping a “mini-vacation”. This is not limited to sleep; simply resting in bed has a similar effect on stress management.

Sources:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/9-tips-for-a-good-nights-sleep/
https://sleepfoundation.org/sleep-news/what-healthy-sleep
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/11/nap-benefits-national-napping-day_n_2830952.html
https://sleepfoundation.org/how-sleep-works/how-much-sleep-do-we-really-need

So, are we lucid or dreaming?

The first question to address while talking about lucid dreaming is the obvious: what exactly is it?

“Lucid dreaming is the art of becoming conscious within your dreams,” explains Charlie Morley, an expert and teacher of lucid dreaming techniques.

Lucid dreaming occurs in the REM cycle of sleep. At this stage of sleep, there is a lot of brain activity and eye-movement increases, along with heart rates and blood pressure. Additionally, the muscles in the body become close to being paralyzed.

A how-to on Lucid Dreaming

The first step in learning to have lucid dreams is to begin a dream journal. Recording and tracking dreams as a crucial component of lucid dreaming as it helps recall previous dreams and details.

The second step is to introduce ourselves to “reality checks”. These are simple tasks that we can do to remind ourselves that we are dreaming, or, to ‘check’ if we are dreaming. Counting fingers or checking the time are examples of two simple reality checks, and while the outcome of these checks will be predictable in real life, in a lucid dream, the outcome may change dramatically. For example, the time may move by a few hours in a single second. Reality checks need to be performed while in a non-dream state to form a habit and recognize a pattern.

The third step is Mnemonically Induced Lucid Dreaming, also known as MILD. This is where you tell yourself you will have a lucid dream and imagine lucid dreaming to reinforce the intention to lucid dream.

The fourth step, optional, is Wake-Induced Lucid Dreaming, also known as WILD. This where your mind falls asleep and the body stays awake. This is challenging and can be a scary process as sleep paralysis and nightmares may occur.

While lucid dreaming can be an exciting experience, it is important to understand that individuals who are unable to separate a dream from reality should not experiment with lucid dreaming as this can be dangerous.

People use lucid dreaming to beat addictions, expand in their creativity and life experiences, manipulate the content of nightmares, and change the course and outcome of a dream all without moving an inch from their bed!

Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-superhuman-mind/201212/lucid-dreaming-and-self-realization
https://www.fastcompany.com/3042659/how-lucid-dreaming-can-improve-your-waking-life

The founding members of some of the most prominent psychotherapeutic theories (e.g. Psychoanalytic/dynamic, Adlerian etc.) have formed a general consensus that the style of parenting adults take on has a profound impact on the development of children as well as into adulthood.

This month on the HRIC Blog, we’re looking at all things parenting and child development. We’re starting off by breaking down the characteristics of four main parenting styles: Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive, and Uninvolved, and how they impact development.

Authoritarian Parenting

• Establishment of strict rules
• High expectations to follow rules – inflexible and rigid
• Breaking rules results in punishment
• No logical reasoning given for the rules
• High demand of children but low responsiveness

Impact on Development

• Children are efficient, submissive, and obedient
• Children have significant deficits in social skills, relationship-building/maintaining, self-esteem, confidence, and communication skills
• Children may have a constant need for parental approval which is mistaken as parental love
• Children may rebel, misbehave as they get older, and become authoritarian themselves across all relationships

Authoritative Parenting

• Establishment of strict rules (but not to the extent of Authoritarian parenting)
• High expectations to follow rules but employ assertiveness and support rather than intrusiveness
• Breaking rules results in forgiveness and nurture
• Parents communicate reasoning for the rules – communicate and listen to children
• More democratic – high demand of children but also high responsiveness

Impact on Development

• Children are assertive and self-regulating
• Children have high self-esteem, self-confidence
• Children have well-development social skills, are able to form and maintain relationships successfully, and form healthy attachments with others
• Children are successful, well-rounded, and happy

Permissive Parenting (Indulgent parents)

• Very few rules in place
• Low expectations to follow rules and of self-control
• High responsiveness and rarely make demands
• Very rare instances of parental discipline; very lenient and avoid confrontation
• Very nurturing, open, and communicative – more of a friend than a parent

Impact on Development

• Children lack self-regulation skills, self-discipline and self-control
• Children appear very confident but have a high sense of entitlement, and struggle with responsibility
• Children struggle with boundaries, commitment, authority
• Children have high creativity skills and are able to form relationships – however, relationships are often one-sided and focus on ‘take’ more than ‘give
• Children often become unhappy and struggle in school

Uninvolved Parenting

• Rarely any rules established
• Low demands to follow rules and low expectations overall
• Very low to zero responsiveness, parents have rare communication with children and are generally disconnected
• Very rarely, parents will neglect, reject, or abuse children/their needs

Impact on Development

• Children significantly lack self-confidence and self-esteem, and are generally less capable than peers
• Children are unable to self-regulate, or establish self-control
• Children struggle greatly with trust – find it difficult to trust adults, romantic partners, friends, etc.
• As adults, they often have difficulties with forming and maintaining relations, intimacy, and emotions

Sources:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-gail-gross/how-different-parenting-styles-affect-children_b_7813674.html
https://www.verywell.com/parenting-styles-2795072
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201410/how-does-your-parenting-style-affect-your-kids

The parenting style and relational experiences a child is exposed to impact the attachment style that the child develops. In this post, we’ll be highlighting the four main attachment styles and the effect of those on children as they grow up.

Secure Attachment:

• Children who form a secure attachment are able to form and maintain effective social relationships
• Adults who have secure attachments growing up are better able to cope with life stressors and challenges
• Individuals are very good at regulating their own emotions and feelings
• Individuals with this style of attachment are able to approach others and form positive relationships and seek closeness without any passive aggressiveness
• Individuals can also tolerate frustrations more effectively

Insecure-avoidant attachment:

• A child or adult with this attachment style appears to have little interest in close relationships or contact
• An adult may appear to be dismissive of close relationships and disregard the importance of attachments in relationships
• Individuals may appear distant, become very self-reliant, and cynical of emotions and relationships
• Individuals become vary of becoming dependent on another person and thus avoid situations where they may need to become dependent (even to a small extent)

Insecure-ambivalent attachment:

• A child with this attachment style is irritable and unable to cope healthily with stress
• The child and adult can have attachment problems which display themselves in the form of poor control over impulses, fear of abandonment, and extreme emotions and behaviors (such as lashing out in rage etc.)
• An individual will likely be difficult to interact and be in a negative mood
• A child with an insecure-ambivalent attachment style may have the tendency to wet the bed due to lack of sufficient control over biological functions
• Individuals have the tendency to be overly dependent on other people and are often intense and overly focused on attachment needs in relationships

Disorganized/disoriented attachment:

• A child with this attachment style has a lot of defenses up because of the assumption of possible threats
• Adults will often display dysfunctional and chaotic behavior in relationships – this chaos and dysfunction will be a mirror image of their primary adult relationships
• Individuals may avoid relationships completely due to the fear that the terror and fear from past relationships may appear again in future relationships
• Individuals tend to have medical issues such as higher heart rates, alarmed reactions, and unresponsiveness

Source:

http://energeticsinstitute.com.au/early-life-attachment-affects-adult-relationships/

In some parts of the world, certain disciplining techniques are severely frowned upon whereas in other parts, those same techniques are the go-tos. It goes without saying that physical disciplining techniques are the culprit here.

While research has found that children are likely to become well adjusted as adults if their parents are firm in disciplining them, it is important to note that this refers to the traditional style of parenting which is authoritative, not authoritarian. This is because the authoritative style of parenting involved setting high expectations of children but leveraging that with positive reinforcement, sensitivity and warmth, and appropriate support.

Some people believe that smacking children is hypocritical behavior as it contradicts a parent’s discipline and behavior against hitting others.

Research has also found that smacking children may result in a larger risk of manifestations of aggression, hyperactivity, and delinquency in children. Physical disciplining has been shown to lead to negative psychosocial outcomes in children, highlighting concerns about the psychological adjustment of children who may have experienced being smacked.

Regardless of whether hitting a child comes from a ‘good place’ on the parents’ part, researchers say that hitting children is an uncontrolled reaction that is regretted as soon as it is done and negates the perception of the parent as the warm and protective figure. It is recommended to discipline children using other methods, which may be less painful and more effective in communicating intentions.

Children who have experienced being smacked by parents say that it does not impact their tendency to do a negative behavior; it only makes them feel upset.

Here are some of the culturally specific disciplining habits and beliefs around the world:

France

• Authority is a form of love and affection
• Children need authority, rules, and need to follow a rigid framework of manners

America

• Parents encourage assertiveness, independence, and autonomy in children
• Verbal competence, self-actualization, and self-confidence is emphasized

Japan

• Parents encourage social courtesy, interdependence, and collectivist attitudes in children
• Emotional maturity, self-control, and consideration of other peoples feelings is emphasized

Puerto Rico 

• Parents use literal and direct means of discipline and to get the attention of children
• Commands, physical repositioning, restraints, and gestures are used frequently

Here at the Human Relations Institute & Clinics, we get a lot of clients who come in to see a psychology practitioner with the expectation that year-long, decade-long or even life-long issues will be resolved within one or two hour-long sessions with a therapist. We call this Microwaveable Therapy.

Microwaveable Therapy is the idea that sharing space with a therapist for a pre-allocated number of minutes, while conversations go from cold (or distant) to warm (or comfortable) to heated (or challenging) is enough to resolve the problems at hand.

We do not blame clients for holding fast to the expectation that microwaveable therapy is practical and realistic, or that it works. This is, unfortunately, the general perception of change, growth, and healing.

This expectation for change to happen overnight, for healing to occur within 60 minutes, and for growth to take place within a timeframe exists for two reasons: one, our limited awareness and knowledge of psychology and mental health, and two, our current age of instant gratification and fast-everything.

The lack of awareness in our community about the connection between mental illnesses, traumatic experiences, and other life issues is a big problem because if we do not understand the cause, we cannot understand how to heal, and if we cannot understand how to heal, solutions will be left untouched.

On the other end of the spectrum is the try-all, quick-fix approach. And this is the way our #2017 lifestyle contributes to the problematic idea of microwaveable therapy. This is the part of our community that has a degree of awareness about mental illnesses and is eager to address the issue but is trapped under the guise of microwaveable therapy.

While it may appear that there is no grave danger in expecting instant healing or change in one or two therapeutic meetings initially, these expectations coupled with slow or no change over the course of those meetings can lead to individuals (and often family members involved) becoming disappointed, irritable, resentful, or worse anxious or depressed. It can lead to the worsening of symptoms by two-fold.

It is important to remember that the decision to seek support from a mental health professional is a change; it is a significant step towards long-term growth. Small, subconscious changes begin to happen from the very beginning. and it takes time for those changes to translate over into large, more visible changes.

Therapy takes time. Change is progressive. Healing is evolutionary.
“If you don’t see immediate results, it doesn’t mean you’re not on the right path of change.”
– Sabine Skaf, Co-Owner, Clinical Psychologist, and Assessment Director of HRIC.

Written by: T. Dilshad

Men’s health, more specifically men’s mental health, is very important. Unlike women, men don’t seek help for life’s challenges – instead believe that they can handle it alone. It’s a silent crisis.

Society puts a lot of pressure on the definition of what a man ‘should and shouldn’t be’: “a man must be strong”; “feelings are for girls”; “men don’t cry”; “men are breadwinners” – this pressure can leave men without a powerful sense of pride, purpose and meaning once they fall short of these ‘definitions’ and creates the hesitation to reach out about their struggles. Depression, anxiety, bipolarity, eating disorders, and obsessive-compulsive disorders are some mental issues that men face.

Men’s mental health is not just a health issue – it’s a social issue and we need to end the stigma that asking for help is a sign of weakness. We can do this by raising awareness, advocating that it’s okay to reach out and ask from all women to be more supportive of men’s struggles and families to be more conscious about raising healthy human beings rather than feeding stereotypes.

Here are top tips from our clinical psychologist and family counselor, Dr. Andrea Tosatto:

1. Having a Healthy Mind is having a Healthy Life

A mentally healthy man leads and promotes healthy surroundings. Your mental health issues and the challenges that you are facing affect your environment and the people you love. It takes a lot of strength to admit when something in your life needs changing and talking about it, is the first step in making that change.

2. Self-Awareness: Power in your Hands

Recognizing your challenges and stress signals will allow you to be more connected with yourself – shifting the power from the problem’s corner into your corner. Being consciously knowledgeable of your own character and your feelings will help you be more in control of your mental health and mindful of the steps necessary to manage the issues. Sharing the burden is powerful – don’t carry it alone.

3. Don’t be afraid to Ask for Help

Looking for answers and relief through short-cuts, substance abuse and other addictions is seeking temporary solutions within the problem. These short-cuts become tools feeding the problem and allowing it to spiral out of your control. Instead, connect with your community and loved ones – don’t be afraid to ask for help. Seeking help can be confidential and tailored to what works best for you.

Many factors play a role in mental health issues: genetics plays a big part, biology and the environment as well. One’s quality of diet, exercise and life/work balance are also factors. Feeling discouraged, overwhelmed and lost are normal. You’ll notice that you’re not alone when seeking help either by talking to a professional or sharing your experience at support groups.

Men who seek help are not weak. In reality, you’re displaying a great deal of strength in recognizing and admitting that you need help. Strength is declaring that you have reached your limit and that you need support.

They say our life’s true treasures are the memories we make- the ones where we give others and others give us joy. Our time has become the most valuable resource today, and giving time to children, parents or spouse is often overlooked. The spirit of this season becomes the saving grace, a time like none other where we feel ‘home’. A time where togetherness is cherished and gratitude is shown to the people we love.

As children we would all look forward to Decembers in Dubai. The new rides at Global Village, picnics to Hatta and the giant Christmas tree at Wafi Mall were a part of this festive season. These memories are the reservoirs that we go back to, as childhood experiences shape who we become. The quality of time and attention given to children is invaluable and more so around this time of the year.  To be nurtured in the warmth and comfort of one’s family is the right of every child, and parents of children need to acknowledge this responsibility.

Home grows to be the people you go back to rather than a specific place. Making the most for our homes unfortunately has become a skill to be relearned; a talent that came to us naturally in the years before. Being attuned to the emotional needs of the people we love prompts us to respond according to the roles we fulfil. Festivities such as New Year’s help us to build better relationships, learn about ourselves and one another, to reflect, resolve, and renew. They bring about meaningful interactions and become fine examples of family moments – they are close to the heart and transcend time.

Mother Teresa once said, “If you want to bring happiness to the world, go home and love your family”. We often belittle the effects of our lives on other people. The efforts we make to make their lives beautiful will always be remembered and appreciated. This season is one such time to hold them dear and make them feel cherished.

Hima Mammen
Counselling Psychologist

After working hard for long months, who wouldn’t wait impatiently for the holidays? The temptation is big to make our home country our first destination. Vacation is often perceived as a period where most of our postponed desires or needs can be at last fulfilled. We plan for holidays in advance and count the days before they arrive. Living abroad or as expats often exposes us to stress, to loneliness and to the lack of family support.

The more stressful our life is, the higher our expectations are from the holidays in terms of relaxing and having a peaceful time. The lonelier we are, the more we expect to fill the gap by having good moments with friends and family once we are home. Vacation can also be the optimal time for children to catch up with their grandparents and live joyful moments. In other words, holidays with family can be somehow idealized! But do holidays always meet our expectations?

Putting a lot of hope on something increases the chance of being deceived by it. Setting a lot of goals, making a lot of plans to be executed in a short period of time makes a holiday a stressful event. The amount of money spent on holidays makes having pleasant moments an urge and being happy as a duty. Being away from our loved ones make any conflict with them, once together, very difficult to accept. However, being a part of a community after living “alone” can be a hard experience. It requires adaptability, adjustments, and sometimes a regression in our status when it comes to dealing with parents!

As a consequence, it may be desirable to go on holiday in a more “reasonable” state of mind!

Here are some ways to make it happen:

• Don’t postpone filling a lot of your needs until holidays.
• Make your expectations reasonable to avoid disappointments and frustration.
• Don’t do plans that are hard to be executed.
• Enjoy your time with family and friends but don’t expect them to be always available for you.
• Don’t make vacation a period to settle unresolved conflicts with your family
• It is okay to have some moments, during holidays, when you do nothing and when you can feel neutral, unsatisfied, or sad.
• Little conflicts are sometimes the occasion to do some compromises and to renegotiate limits.

The reason resolutions don’t work because we speak of them on New Year’s Eve and we forget them. The following top 8 tips on achieving your goals methof method allows you to be reminded and constantly involved in them.

1. Identify the theme of the year to come

2. Ask yourself what qualities and skills do you need to add to achieve them

3. Write up to 5 goals (ideally 3) that you plan to achieve

4. Identify possible obstacles that could stop you from achieving them and decide how you will stop them from stopping you

5. Start your plan from Dec 31st, 2018- yes that’s right; the last day of next year and work backward. Identify the different milestones that you would go through while achieving your goals. On each milestone put the due date. Ideally you want to have 12 milestones- one for each month.

6. Get envelops and label them with the due date of each milestone.

7. Put the milestones and their rewards for every due date and seal the envelopes. Now set a reminders on your phone if you need or you can use a good old fashioned calendar.

8. Put the envelopes and a list of your goals and your annual theme and your new qualities somewhere where you frequently go back to in the house. And see yourself achieving them.

The reason resolutions don’t work because we speak of them on New Year’s Eve and we forget them. This method allows you to be reminded and constantly involved in them

What is your New Year’s resolutions for 2018, and how do you plan to keep them?

It’s unusual in that the start of a new year can mean hope and promise and a “restart” for some, and for others it can trigger feelings of sadness, emptiness or anxiety at the perception of a lack of progress or being in an inferior position to the year before. In either of those scenarios, and so many more in between, what is important to understand is that these are perceptions.

Perceptions by definition is the way you notice or understand something using one of your senses. They are dictated by our internal mood states and our psychological disposition. Our internal mood acts as a lens on how we see the world. If we are feeling good, then the lens highlights the positive and filters the negative. The reverse is true. If we are not feeling psychologically well, then the lens highlights the negative and filters the positive.

Knowing this reality can help us build self-awareness of the connection between what we are feeling and how we came to feel that way. This self-knowledge can be powerful in helping us understand why emotions can sometimes feel as if they “came out of the blue”.

So be patient with yourself. There are 11 more months to make the connection.