Tag: self motivation

What are boundaries?

Healthy boundaries are an important part of forming one’s identity and are a vital part of maintaining positive mental health and well-being. Common misconceptions, when it comes to setting healthy boundaries, revolve around the idea of being rude, disrespectful, and stubborn. In reality, setting boundaries are an important communicative instrument that outlines what an individual is willing to accept and what they are not. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, and material, and can range from those that are negotiable to those that may be more rigid. A complete lack of boundaries may indicate that someone lacks a strong sense of identity, is easily influenced by other people, or is even commonly taken advantage of.

Physical

Physical boundaries involve personal space, comfort with touch, and physical needs such as needing to eat, rest, and sleep. It’s certainly okay to tell others that you don’t like to be touched or that you would like some more space. It is also okay to tell others that you are hungry and would like to get something to eat. These can sound like “I’m not too keen on hugging, how about a handshake?”

Physical boundary violations include receiving unwanted or inappropriate touch, standing too close. It can also involve having someone come into your personal space in an uncomfortable way eg. A friend that walks into your house unannounced without knocking or ringing the bell.

Emotional

Emotional boundaries involve feelings, energy, and values. Setting emotional boundaries includes identifying how much emotional energy you are taking in, knowing when to share, and limiting emotional sharing with those who respond in an invalidating manner. This kind of boundary can sound like “I hear that this conversation is important to you. Right now is not a good time for me to take all of this in. Do you think we can get back to this at a later time?”

Emotional boundary violations can include assuming how other people feel, dismissing and/or criticizing feelings.

Material

Material boundaries refer to items and possessions such as your home, car, clothes, money, etc. It is important to understand and be clear on what you are willing and not willing to share, and how you expect your materials to be treated by the people you share them with. This kind of boundary may sound like “Sure, I would be happy to lend you my jacket. However, I need it back by Friday.”

Violations of material boundaries occur when things you have shared are destroyed, stolen, or ‘borrowed’ too frequently.

Verbalizing our feelings and expressing our needs begins in early childhood with our families, and then in our friend circles. These early boundaries are internalized and determine how comfortable we are standing up for ourselves. The inability to set boundaries usually stems from fears such as abandonment, losing the relationship, hurting other people’s feelings, being judged, being disliked, made fun of, etc.

Initially setting boundaries can come with a sense of guilt which can make it feel like it’s the wrong thing to do. Other people may not always be understanding of the reasons for our boundaries. Some may show resistance and even respond aggressively – this may be due to the possibility that, to them, your boundary means that they will not get what they want. Boundaries can be thought of as the terms under which a relationship can progress further. In contrast to common stereotypical misconceptions, people place boundaries in their relationships because they want to continue to carry them further in their life, and in a healthier manner.

Boundaries are an important aspect of self-care and are important in all aspects of our lives. They allow us to be our true selves, set realistic expectations, and create safety. As essential as it is to prioritize our needs, it is also equally critical that we respect the boundaries that other people have set for themselves.

Bullying in the Workplace

Workplace Bullying

With bullying, the idea that usually comes to mind may involve children or teenagers misbehaving, discriminating, and/or harassing one another. Bullying commonly involves a power imbalance and includes behaviors that are unwanted, threatening, humiliating, harmful, aggressive, offensive, and/or intimidating. These can be both verbal and physical. Bullying can be thought of as a mechanism used to re-take control and proclaim dominance that an individual may have felt they lost at some point in their lives. Bullies usually target those who may seem smaller, weaker, younger, or more vulnerable than themselves.

However, these instances and behaviors are not exclusive to youngsters and are also prevalent in various aspects of adult life, such as interpersonal and professional relationships. Although it may be widely observed in society, it is not always recognized as ‘bullying’ and thus, appropriate interventions are not implemented. Whether it is between children, teenagers, or adults, bullying is an issue that deserves attention as it can have a detrimental impact on an individual’s mental and physical health. Mental health effects include worrying about work constantly, wanting to avoid going to work, needing time off to recover from stress, a general loss of interest, and an increased risk of anxiety and depression. The physical health effects include feeling sick or anxious when thinking about work, digestive problems, high blood pressure, headaches, decreased appetite, and poor quality of sleep.

Bullying in the workplace also causes financial difficulties as individuals tend to leave their jobs as a result of being bullied. Some examples of bullying in this context include personal attacks such as yelling, threatening, and spreading rumors, as well as manipulation tactics, such as isolation, sabotage, micromanagement, and unrealistic deadlines.

In the work environment, bullies are often found to be bosses or high-functioning employees who are valued and supported by others because of their status and contribution to the company. In these cases, bullying may involve the abuse of power such as unjustified negative performance reviews, denial of time off, and threats of termination or demotion. However, bullying can also occur in other levels of employment. Those working at the same level may bully through gossip, rumors, work sabotage, and/or criticism. Lower-level employees may bully those above them by showing continuous disrespect, refusing to complete tasks, and doing things that may portray their superior in a negative light. Bullying not only impacts the target but increases stress for all those who witness it. Employees are also impacted in the form of decreases in trust, productivity, morale, and efficiency as well as increases in absenteeism and employee turnover.

Bullying has been shown to be more prevalent in work environments that:

  • Are stressful
  • Change frequently
  • Have heavy workloads
  • Have unclear policies about employee behavior
  • Have poor employee communication and relationships
  • Have more employees who are bored and worried about job security

Bullying is recognized as a serious problem in many organizations, and while most have a zero-tolerance policy, bullying can be difficult to prove, which in turn, makes it difficult for the necessary measures to be taken. Witnesses to bullying often refrain from intervening and stay silent out of a fear of becoming a target themselves. It is important to speak up and attempt to stop bullying when we witness it, as ignoring it contributes to a harmful work environment.

Effective ways to help include:

Offering support – this could involve being a witness if the targeted individual wants to ask the bully to stop.

Listening – If someone being bullied doesn’t feel safe reporting the bullying to HR, they may find it beneficial to have someone to talk to.

Reporting the incident – A third-party account of what happened may help bring attention to the problem, allowing it to be taken seriously by management and others.

Resilience at Work

A common recurring question within the work environment is ‘why do some people thrive and succeed in times of difficulty and others do not?’. Although there is no one right answer or characteristic of a person that guarantees organizational success, a skill that seems to significantly contribute is resilience. By definition, resilience is the ability to effectively adapt to difficulty and move forward. Several misconceptions surround the representation of a resilient person such as someone who is ‘thick-skinned’, never fails, never feels stress, and is immune to negative emotions. This stereotypical understanding of resilience is further propagated in the media for example, where individuals are praised and portrayed in a positive light for equating these unrealistic and inaccurate standards to the meaning of resilience. It is not a characteristic that some people possess, and others do not, rather, it is an active process that requires maintenance. In reality, being a resilient person does not mean being unaffected by negative situations or experiences. On the contrary, being resilient requires confronting the things that bring discomfort and experiencing emotional pain. In light of this, it is also important to realize that building resilience is a personal journey that requires considerable patience, effort, introspection, and practice.

While also considering that many individuals are now a part of a constantly connected and highly demanding work culture, resilience can be seen as especially useful in the workplace as for many people this can be a source of significant distress. Unrealistic demands, organizational change, lack of recognition, and poor interpersonal relationships are some of the most commonly reported work-related stressors, which can be naturally confusing and difficult to navigate. Coping with these stressors in a healthy way requires maintaining several interconnected factors of resilience. Such factors include how individuals manage their thoughts and feelings, set goals and foster self-motivation, focus on positive change in a way that encourages the acceptance of failures, and foster support systems inclusive of emotional and physical care.

In practice, to some people, this may look like journaling, engaging in prayer and religious rituals, or meditation and mindfulness practices. It can also look like taking time to engage in areas of their life other than work, such as pursuing a hobby or spending time with family and friends. In essence, these help individuals connect to themselves in a way that works for them and nurtures purpose in their lives as a whole, which in turn, helps them cope better with stressors in different aspects of their life such as work.

Being a resilient person in the workplace is equally important for employees of all statures as all of them, on some level, have to navigate difficult situations. Such instances may present themselves, for example, while working in collaboration with team members or adapting to a change in the organizational structure. Understanding the importance of resilience promotes empathy and consideration for others, allowing for increased internal support. Resilience enables people to separate themselves from their stressors and view their situations from an impersonal perspective. This further helps them communicate their needs and wants more effectively, handle challenges better and reduce their likelihood of burnout and presenteeism. From a broader perspective, viewing challenges as opportunities for growth and learning encourages an optimistic mindset, where individuals are passion-driven and proactively seek development, which further stimulates the progression and productivity of the company.